In the early fall I was dragging.  I had a hard time adjusting back to a non-recital practice format and Jon got tougher with me, demanding I work more on my hand positions and he also stopped writing out the chords coming at me.

A good thing that happened was my move out of my isolation to begin playing in a duo.  I have written about this new dimension to my push out of myself.  Sue is the head of her high school music department and began taking lessons with Jon when students showed an interest in classical guitar.  She was courageous, beginning an instrument along with her students and staying just a bit ahead of them.

When we began playing together we were both shy about playing together and as Jon maintains everyone comes with their strengths.  I agree. I think I bring my passion for the sound and the parts I’ve been playing allow me to do that.  Sue is on it with notes and the technique.  Both of us enjoy the experience and see a good reason to spend this time together.

After a longer than usual break, we came to our lesson yesterday more timid than usual.  It took most of the hour to really get comfortable again.  We are planning to start weekly lessons soon.  Jon was good.  We found our way through a piece we usually nail and Jon then patiently took us from the end backward,  line by line, section by section. Then the tougher piece and where I have been working on some of my tough parts, I was at a loss to be able to concentrate in front of someone other than Jon or Tuvia.

So I’m loving this and my sound is really taking off.  I am more in control of the beautiful piece of wood, I work on.

Since last April and my hard work preparing for my friend-based recital, I’ve had a hard time getting and staying in a new groove.  It’s been hard to get up the energy to practice and to do it for any length of time.  Life has been getting in the way and I haven’t stopped it.

My lesson schedule hasn’t been regular and that’s made my motivation even harder.  But somehow I do know I am getting better. My hands are following my head more and the sound just seems to get better.  I realized too, after my last lesson, that keeping my nails cut just right is critical.  I was playing with nails that were too long and they got in the way of the sound and finger movement.  After a good trim, wow, what a difference?  And the last few days were wonderful, even away from home with my older guitar.  I feel renewed. And on Friday I am moving to enlarging my playing challenges.  My teacher Jon and I will be joined by one of his other students, Sue, a very successful music teacher at a local high school.  Can you imagine how nervous I will be on Friday as I drive there for our first session.   I usually fake the counting of rests or figuring out notes on the high and low ends of the scale.  Oh well.  A new learning and growing adventure.

And life moves on…How wonderful!  You have that great moment that you’ve planned and worked for and it happens, it feels good and then what?  Then it’s the next day and up early you wonder, what’s next?  Life moves you on.  The sunshine blazes in the livingroom, the computer is filled with emails to answer, pieces of word that need attention, the Today Show plays, the coffee perks, exercise, time for exercise and the guitar calls…get back here.  Let’s move beyond together.

I’m ready for the next challenge!  What’s out there?

B K

As we close down the day watching the Sopranos for as much as Tuvia can stomach, we are both floating.  We shared this experience.  Sure, I was playing but it’s been an interesting collaboration.  I had my buddy Betsy cater the event and Tuvia really took over as she set up and left.

Jon arrived and we were able to just run thru our duet and that got me focused, although I was ready to just stop after we finished.  On my own it was lonely, tough.  I started strong and felt great but into the second line of the piece my left hand did its best to separate from the rest of BK machine and it started it shaking routine, but the head, my head, help on tight and even though the group could have been watching the hand I was challenged to move from chord to chord, note to note to create the most beautiful sound I could and more than not I did.  I lost it on that piece, my center, just as I was rounding third base and I held on for dear life repeating, to get back  and I did.  The other pieces moved.  The last one was a great finish and I am resolved that there will be many more efforts a public sharing…forget about a RECITAL.  I want to just share a piece, a part of a piece for friends. My resolution.  I want that hand to stop shaking it it won’t if I don’t play more in my expanded audience of the world.

I so love playing my guitar.  I love the learning…

I like the sound of that, TOMORROW! I ready for it to be today. I am very ready, ripe actually. And in a way I’ve stopped breathing figuratively of course, just waiting for tomorrow to happen and then move to Monday.

I have enjoyed the whole process.

It doesn’t hurt to have spring arrive with a full force.

My one last practice last night after a great day and a great movie, After the Wedding and a bit of vodka and I was in the zone enjoying every moment of passion with my guitar and just waiting to create the perfect opportunity with my fingers for a great sound.  I loved it.

And early this morning, with the sunshine filling the room, I did it again. SLOWLY!  I have one more practice before I have to move on….

I am loving this, as I should.  At noon Betsy will be here to create great food.

B K

Bonnie’s  Guitar Recital
Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cavatina  (theme from The Deerhunter)                  Stanley Meyers
Jonathan Trotta  &   Bonnie

Cancion                                  Manuel  Ponce

Afro-Cuban Lullaby                                          Arranged by Jack  Marshall
& Christopher Parkening

Canco Del Llarde (Song of the Thief)                    Miguel Llobet

Catalonian Song                      Arranged by  Jack Marshall

Refreshments By:
Angel Food Catering
Betsy  Chollet

Shrimp Cocktail with Caper Dill Sauce

Asparagus Crudite with a Sundried Tomato Dip

Curry Chicken Salad Profiteroles

Tea Sandwiches; Cucumber, Watercress  &
Smoked Salmon

Coconut Angel Food Cake

Lemon Poppy Seed Pound Cake

Assorted Cookies

    The highs and lows of guitar preparation! Last night after a long afternoon of beginning SI’07 interviews with Mary and Rebecca, and my ride home and Tuvia already here cleaning out the fireplace, I was ready to eat something other than junk food that I never usually allow myself to touch…Next time I need something more healthy.

But Tuvia wasn’t done and how could I rush him, he was cleaning out MY fireplace for My recital coming on Sunday.  And he had a computer job for using my scanner that sure I could figure out but it would be timely.  I didn’t want to do it before we went out, but Tuvia was not to be refused and I didn’t even try.

Success, the out and off the Nyack watering hole we’ve been frequenting.  It’s a bar/rest and we love the activity.  I ordred a GooseCranberry, cute name!  And we ate and I felt better.  Home at 9 PM and I hadn’t played yet today.  I picked up the guitar, Tuvia positioned himself on the couch and closed his eyes. I began, piece by piece and I was lost in my music, for the first time ever! Lost! Enjoying the partnership I have been creating with my guitar for the past year.  I moved from piece to piece effortlessly, just hearing the beauty of the melody and controling the harmony to assure that it would not overpower the reason I selected this guitar and not another.  I love the high notes that sound like rain drops. Segovia is my role model here.

So it was an amazing experience to hear me play with power and just a few minutes ago I sounded just as good.  I heard it, I felt it.  I am in a new place with music.  It may not happen on Sunday with an audience, but down the line…it will happen.

It’s sunny outside…I feel great, ready to work on my H is for the Hudson!

My life moves on this week, as usual, but it is an unusual week.  There’s my own personal challenge, my public move with my guitar.  I’ve been working so hard to prepare for the move.  I don’t know that I enjoy playing in public.  I love the sound I can make with my instrument in the quiet of my apartment, with Tuvia and then of course with my teacher. But on Tuesday when I played for my buds that sound wasnt’ there.  Sure, I got through it and yes they liked it.  They supported me through it.  THe sound wasn’t as consistent, because my hands were not working with me all the time.  I did keep myself focused and that was great.  Sunday is coming.  Jon will be here with me and that will be great when we play together.  Should have come first or last?

And yesterday I was able to see my student teachers, and back home I worked on my H is for the Hudson piece…and on American Idol we finally said goodbye to Sangiev. And today will officially kick off the SI’07 with interviews.

But this week there’s been horrible events: shooting on a college campus, an evening with great minds who share my frustration with the present administration and what that’s done for our world and our country, and of course the floods.

I just continue on as others are stopped, dead in their tracks.  I am grieving and living my life without a pause.  Is that right?  Should I be doing more for those who have been stopped from their lives?

I just went through my 5 pieces and I played them as Jon suggested, slowly, listening to the sound and setting up each note and chord before I played just to assure that there would be perfection and yes, it makes sense. I have never heard the harmonics of Song of the Thief more beautiful. Slower is better for me. Especially when the nerves are out to get you.

I have to go get brunch food for my buds. Shower first. Havent’ had one of those since Sunday. I forgot to have one yesterday.

Back home, the table is set, the apartment is guest ready and I picked up the guitar and played with shaky hands. I used the strategy of remembering what the point of all this is, to share what I find so beautiful about the sound of these creations. I have the instrument to make this happen and I have the skill actually as well. I figured out today that I’ve been playing guitar for 7 years. Of course what is 7 years? I began at 51. But it’s been a fantastic journey that continues.

I have been playing some of these pieces for years…learning to play them. Where did they come from? From recordings of Segovia and Christopher Parkening, and listening to my teacher and here I am playing them, searching for their beauty and I can hear that beauty when I play, but how do I calm myself down with people watching me?

That’s the challenge now. I have a great strategy. I have to use it. To dip back into the practice from this morning. To find a way of communicating what I love about playing guitar.

Okay! Bring em on!

So it happened and it felt good. Not a slam dunk but really good. For sure I was nervous. My hands were shaking and that does affect the sound. It’s hard to hold on to a strong sound. But I remember the feeling when I played at my retirement party three years ago. My nerves totally took over. This time I held on. I think I nailed the same piece, Catalonian and enjoyed playing that one. I did okay with Cancion to start and it was great to practice Jon’s way. I remembered that and when the nerves hit, I slowed down and worked to create a beautiful sound and I can do that.

I wonder if Sunday will be different. My audience was fantastic. If they didn’t love it, they didn’t show it. And it was great being with them afterward for lunch. I had a drink and enjoyed the food with them and the clean up. They just love being at my place. What a wonderful group of people who appreciate my passion to learn.

We just got back from watching George Soros and  Joseph Steglietz chat at the 92nd St. Y tonight.  Full house.  We were surrounded by an audience of young people, old people, men, women.   It might have been a more precise conversation if Charley Rose had been directing it, but all, in all it was great being there.  Although, music is running through my mind. My music.

B K